Friday, January 9, 2026

Blog Tour with Excerpt for The Retired Assassin’s Guide to Orchid Hunting

 


The Retired Assassin’s Guide to Orchid Hunting

Assassin. Gardener. Reluctant cat adoptee.

All Dante wants is to be left alone in the small New Zealand town no ones heard of. No drama. No bodies. No questions. But then, of course, the orchid convention comes to town, and Dante is knee deep in suspects, intrigue, and red herrings.

On top of all this, Dante must navigate a mysterious woman from his past, cat issues, and the terrifying prospect of a first date. And he has to do it while fighting his instinct to solve problems the old-fashioned way: permanently.

The Retired Assassins Guide to Orchid Huntingis a cosy paranormal mystery with found family, ghosts, a grumpy assassin and a sunshine gardener.

Come for the murder, stay for the cat, the gardens, and the New Zealand country charm.

Purchase Links

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0DWVD5XRM

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0DWVD5XRM


EXCERPT:  

In which the straight way is lost.

Dante walked around the waterfront, his stomach churning uneasily. His next step was unclear.

An MI6 agent had come here, to his turf, and they hadn’t made formal contact. The only reason for this was that they planned to kill him.

Worse yet, Charlie was with Stephanie. That complicated things immensely. The last thing he wanted was a hostage situation.

This required careful handling. Dante wondered who he’d managed to annoy enough to want him dead.

On his wrist, his watch alarm made a small buzz against his skin. Dante smiled, a curl of his lip that contained no humour whatsoever. Sometimes it wasn’t nice to be proven right.

* * *

In his back garden, Dante waited in the deep shadows under the weeping willow. Someone had deactivated his alarm - the obvious, consumer-grade one that he’d installed as a first defence. That had tripped the silent alarm his watch monitored.

The second security system was working perfectly well, and showed Dante that right now, someone was stealthily and methodically searching the wall at the back of his sitting room.

His weapons stash was hidden there behind a false panel. It looked like the searcher was using an infrared flashlight with goggles — a nice piece of kit that Dante almost preferred to self-contained infrared.

He ran over his options. He could trip the alarm himself and set off an ear-splitting siren. The searcher would flee, most likely out the back and right past Dante’s hiding place.

He could call the police, who would arrive, sirens blaring, with much the same outcome.

Or, he could enter his house in absolute silence and confront the searcher himself. The hairs on the back of his neck rose as this option swam clearer in his mind, like a shark circling closer through murky waters.

On this path, death awaited. If not his, then certainly the intruder’s.

It felt as inevitable as the pull of the tide. Dante was not a gardener who used to be an assassin. He was an assassin pretending to be a gardener.

Waiting in the darkest shadows in the dead hour of the night, it was harder and harder to deny this fact.

He tried to remember the AA motto, but it slipped from his mind. Instead, another phrase entered his thoughts. It had been spoken to him, quite recently, by a man who was now dead.

“I found myself in a dark wood, for the straight way was lost.”

Without consciously choosing to, Dante glided out of the shadows, his Glock fitting perfectly into the palm of his hand. The back door lock clicked open as his fingerprint touched the sensor.

It was the witching hour of midnight as death entered the house.

 



Author Bio  Naomi is a writer living in New Zealand. When not busy writing or raising her twin son and daughter, she spends her free time (ha!) surfing, kitesurfing, and retrieving her shoes from Max the dog.

Social Media Links

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